Wednesday, August 28, 2013

~* All Apologies *~

I just realized how long it's been since I blogged. I apologize. Life has been interesting. Nothing crazy, just busy.

I came in 2nd out of 2 in my competition a few weeks ago. I was a beginner. My competition was not so much. But I had a blast and I'm glad I did it.

I've been working as much as I can, but it has been the slow season, so I'm stressing. Fingers crossed I end up doing ok for September.

I've been having a lot of doctor appointments lately, which I will update when I actually get some news.

I've been working on my personal life, which I will also update more when I get some news.

And, I've been brainstorming topics for some writing samples. I don't have time to write them out right now, but I will soon.

Friday, August 9, 2013

~* Competitive Bitch *~

Who, me?? Nahhhh.

Ok, maybe just a little.

Okaaaaaay. Fiiiiine. Ya got me. I am a competitive bitch. Usually, against myself, but tomorrow I have the opportunity to compete against the world. Not even an exaggeration. I signed up for my first Crossfit competition, and it's part of the Garage Games Series called World Wide WOD Aftermath. I will be competing as a beginner, and have no hopes of doing exceptionally well, but I do believe it will be worth the experience and I'm kind of excited about it. A little terrified, but also excited.

Along other lines, I have had some interesting run-ins with the male species since I moved in. I had an overnight guest, because he was bored and lonely. I solved the lonely problem that evening, not the bored. I do enjoy sleeping next to a man. I've been hit on by a married man- whose wife I adore. Slime. I gained a cheering section for the competition tomorrow in J, who I haven't seen since I moved. And, I have had dinner with my gorgeous neighbor. Possibly, probably more on that in the future. I'm liking 30 so far.

Friday, July 26, 2013

~* A Rush Of Emotions *~

I am typing this from the comfort of my own bed. In my own clean sheets. In my own apartment.

That's right folks, I'm branching out on my own again. And it feels amazing. Today alone, I've run the full spectrum of emotions. From being rushed to get the move finished, to excited about spending my first night in my own place, to panic about whether or not I'll be able to make this work, to determination to make it work, to a little bit of sadness and loneliness...but life is good today. And I believe it will only get better from here.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

~* I *~

I am 30 years old.
I am 5'5ish, with blonde-ish reddish hair and blue/gray/green eyes.
I am 131lbs (today) with a body fat percentage of 21.6.
I have a love/hate relationship with my family.
I have been engaged 3 times, married twice, and divorced 1 1/2 times.
I am a personal trainer, certified nutritionist, and seniors' fitness specialist.
I am driven by my passion for my job and a never-ending need to succeed.
I will never be good enough for myself.
I love what I do, and if I ever cease to love it, I will do something else.
I may never have children, and that's ok with me.
I get moody.
I get jealous.
I have trust issues.
I am a commitment-phobe.
I am terrified of birds, and drowning, and burning to death, and going blind.
I love music- all kinds, any kind. Well, almost any kind.
I am not religious, but will never tell you you're wrong for your beliefs.
I am both girly and tough.
I am a terrible jump-roper.
I am an awesome baker.
I like to paint.
I love the beach and all things summer-related.
I have no problem letting go. I pack light, and am sentimentally attached to virtually nothing.
I love polka dots.
I think a child's laughter is the most amazing sound in the world.
I hate being cold more than anything in the world.
I will treat you exactly the way you treat me.
I am a lover and a fighter. And a sarcastic bitch.
I will never feel the need to be better than you.
I will always feel the need to be better than myself.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

~* Changes Ahead *~

Wow, it's been a while!! I've been soooooo busy lately, I have completely neglected this blog. I'm sorry.

Work has been insanely awesome, and awesomely insane. Our manager's wife PCS'd to Kansas, so our head trainer took the management position. Leaving li'l ol' me in the head trainer position. It's been great and challenging, my schedule got crazy practically overnight. I'm working, actually putting in effort, a full 9 hours a day now, and I had to start working Fridays again. But this craziness has put me in the incredible position to be able to afford my own apartment!!!

J isn't thrilled about it, but he knows it needs to happen. We had a little heart to heart about it. We haven't been doing so hot, and the longer I stick around, the worse it's going to get. He knows I wasn't ready to be living with someone, it just happened out of circumstances. I told him the truth- my moving out isn't guaranteed to fix things, but it's not going to make them any worse either. So, the big day is in about a week and a half. I'd be moving this weekend, but I'll be in DE, helping the family move into a bigger place so they don't all kill each other (not even exaggerating).

Anyway, gotta get to work. I'll try to get back on track with this thing.

Friday, May 31, 2013

~* Amazed Again *~

My clients never cease to amaze me.

This week, I feel like I have witnessed more drive and dedication from my clients than ever. Maybe it's because I've been pushing a little harder than usual, and they sure have stepped up. It's so freakin' rewarding.

Yesterday was the best day of the week. Aside from the fact that Thursdays are my Fridays (3 day weekends, yay!), I had two clients blow me away. Client #1 is a wheelchair bound man, 24 years old with spina bifida and diabetes. He has virtually no feeling in his feet below his ankles, but I got to take him through a leg workout yesterday!! Not anything crazy, but he was able to do the leg extension machine and the seated hamstring curls, and that was incredible. Client #2 is in his late 50s and he is a workhorse. He will do anything I come up with for a workout and never complain about it. I've only gotten the best of him once, actually. He set a goal for himself a while back- he wanted to do 10 pull ups. The last time he tried, he got 5. Well, last night, I got to witness him getting 9!!! His "gym birthday" is in 2 weeks, and I have no doubt in my mind that he will be able to celebrate with 10 full pull ups.

I am so full of wonder and amazement and sheer gratitude. How many people can wake up every day and feel truly blessed and fortunate to be going to a job that they love? I can.

Monday, May 27, 2013

~* Eating Dirty *~

I've been eating Paleo since the new year. Mostly, I love it. Every now and again, I want some kind of junk, but I usually resist and pat myself on the back for making the right choice. Usually.

But every once in a while, I just say "fuck it, dig in" and I eat whatever the hell I want.  And I inevitably pay for it the next day. Today is that next day.

Yesterday, J and I grilled some burgers and had a small gathering. I had a cheeseburger (on a bun), sweet potato fries, chips and dip, and cupcakes. And my digestive system is making me pay today. I feel terrible, and I kind of just want a salad to atone for my sins.

Lesson learned- cheat on a part of a meal, not the whole meal. 😣

Monday, May 13, 2013

~* My New Thing *~

Apparently running is my new thing. I did my first 5k in April. I did my second one this past Saturday. I'm registered for my third at the end of June. How did this happen??

I have no clue. It is awesome to be able to do something I was unable to do for so long. I was a severely asthmatic child, and I got winded running down the stairs, so this is an accomplishment for me. I did the Color Run in Baltimore this past weekend, and I finished in roughly 35 minutes. 7 full minutes quicker than my first run. AND I actually ran most of it. I'm trying to get to 30 minutes by the next one.

Here I am, all smurfed up on Saturday.

Friday, May 3, 2013

~* The New Average *~

I saw a post on FaceBook yesterday from ABC News that H&M clothing stores are now using a plus-sized model. This model is depicted in a 2piece swimsuit, is said to be a size 12, and is said to be a "normal-sized" woman. This is what average in our society has become. Have you seen this picture?

I read through the comments regarding to this picture. The majority of them were along the "Finally, a real woman" or "at least she's healthy, not skin and bones" lines.


How can you misconstrue this obesity as healthy?? This girl has a gorgeous face, but she is at least 30% body fat. If she is 180lbs, that means 60lbs of her body is pure fat. 30% is obese. Not healthy. High risk for diabetes and heart disease. And sadly, the new average.

Fashion and society have adapted to accommodate the laziness and vanity of our physically growing population, and it's disgusting. It happens in so many aspects of life- second example that comes to mind is the new means of grading for the majority of students these days. Just pass them so they don't feel stupid or left out. Well, folks, some kids aren't all that bright. Harsh, but true. Some parents don't put in the work, some kids don't put in the work, some teachers don't put in the work- it all leads to the same end. Dim kids.  Just as some women aren't healthy and attractive. Same kind of truth.

Why is it so out of vogue to show physically fit women as models? These aren't just fashion models, these are role models for young girls, and shouldn't a role model be someone who puts in effort and takes care of the only body they are given? Not overweight, or underweight for that matter. I'm not at all saying girls should be self conscious or anything that may lead to low self esteem or an eating disorder. I'm just saying that it shouldn't be a bad thing to advertise health and effort and hard work.

Did you know sizing now is different than it was in the past? Sizes are at least 2 inches larger now than they were 20 years ago. Marilyn Monroe may be a size 14 by today's standards, but in her time, she was a size 8. This is the kind of adaptation that I mean. Sizing to accommodate vanity. Nobody wants to take care of themselves, but nobody wants to be classified as fat either. You can't have your cake and eat the whole damn thing. Well, you can, but you shouldn't be able to still be called a size 6 when you're done.

***disclaimer- this is my blog, and therefore, my opinion.

Friday, April 26, 2013

~* There's No Crying In Crossfit *~

Bullshit. I bet there's a LOT of crying in Crossfit. I did a bit myself today.

J and I went out to SoPi since we both had the day off, and today's WOD was awful. Well, it wasn't really. I just kinda fucked it all up. 3 rounds, for time, of: 9 overhead squats, 18 kettlebell swings, 9 ring dips, 18 sledgehammer swings, and 400m sprint. So, it would have pretty much sucked anyway, but I made it a lot worse for myself.

First round in, I dropped the damn barbell. Twice.
Then, I got hung up on the ring dips. I'm a newbie, so I use a band for assistance, and I kept getting it all backwards. Lost probably 4 minutes trying to figure that shit out. There was a 20 minute time cap. I made it out the door for the sprint in the 20 minutes, but was so winded that I know it probably took me 25 altogether.

I got so mad at myself that I cried. Just a little bit, but it still happened. I know I could have, should have, done better.

"Progress is not made without struggle. Do not wish for it to be easier, wish to be better."

I will be better next time.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

~* NOW Can I Take A Breath?? *~

I am officially a NASM Certified Fitness Nutrition Specialist!!!


Now, maybe I can breathe for a day or two before I start my next course. I had been working on the FNS certification since September, through the redeployment, separation, and two moves. I am so fucking relieved to be done with it!! All that for just a few extra words on my resume'. Now, I'm going to celebrate with a Red Bull.

Friday, April 19, 2013

~* 75 In A School Zone *~

No, not me. I'd never speed in a school zone. I take that pretty seriously.

I just feel like that's how my life is going. I'm moving in with J. Actually, aside from the bigger furniture, I'm all moved in. And I feel like it's too quick.

I love him, I adore him, and on paper, we are freakin' perfect for each other. But, as I was moving boxes from my car into his house, it kinda hit me that I'm not ready for this. Of course, a little too late. I do this kind of thing all the effing time, and I end up in the exact same position- not knowing how to fix it. How the fuck do I bring up that conversation?? "Hey babe, I'm crazy about you and I'm so grateful that you're letting me move in and it's awesome that you're stoked about it, but uh....let's just make it temporary. I'll move out again in a few months, and then, if things keep going well, back in a few months after that, k?" Grrr.

I am so fucking mad at myself, and it's making me be bitchy to him, and I just need to stop.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

~* Stability *~

Normally, I would be using the term stability in reference to training. Today, it's about my life. I just really want some stability, and it doesn't seem to be happening.

Let me rewind-
I don't remember if I mentioned this, but 3 weeks after I moved in with my roomie, she ended up under psych observation for 2 weeks. After hearing all the stories, I chalked it up to a misunderstanding. Someone took something out of context, and she ended up having to pay for it. Weird, but ok. It happens.

Once. It happens once.

She's under psych observation again. I don't really buy into "coincidence", but her situation isn't really my concern. I'm upset because she's been there since last Thursday. I didn't find out until yesterday. I came home on Sunday morning, like I do every week, and she was gone. I texted to see if maybe her work shifts changed, and she never got back to me. Then I woke up Monday morning to see her ex boyfriend's car out front. He stayed in the house, overnight, with just me and the dogs, and nobody bothered to tell me!! That is not ok in my book. I live here, I think I have a right to know who is coming and going, and when, and why. Apparently, nobody else feels the same.

So, now I'm uncomfortable being here. Plus J has been asking me to move in for a while. It's inevitable. He's gonna be lucky #3 one day, and maybe my current roomie situation is a sign that I'm not supposed to be here. I don't believe in coincidence, I do believe in signs. I'm terrified, but I'm excited too. Everything happens for a reason, right? I'm just tired of moving. I'd like to be able to make a place "home" for a while.

*Sigh* Who has a truck to help me move?

Sunday, April 7, 2013

~* At Least I Finished *~

So, I ran my very first 5K yesterday. Well, more like jog-walked. My foot is still not 100%, and it was a trail run, so I didn't push it. I'm smart enough not to hurt myself more than necessary, but I did get a little running in. I'm not excited about the time, but it was close to my goal. I figured I could do it in about 40minutes, I came in at 42:07. It was weird, I was "running" the last stretch because I wanted to run across the finish line, and out of nowhere, my right nostril decided to stop working. I couldn't breathe and I started to panic a little bit. BUT- I did it. I can say I finished. And that is one less goal to accomplish this year.

Friday, April 5, 2013

~* I Kill Fat For A Living *~

Apparently, I really do. Over the last 4 weeks, my clients have collectively lost over 50lbs and 46 inches!!! I am so proud of all of them!!

It's funny- there are days when I wonder if I really have any clue about what I'm doing. Am I just taking stuff out of a book and hoping it works? Am I just winging it and praying for the best? But then I see results like that and I know without a doubt that this is what I was born to do. To help people. To educate people. To coach and motivate and reassure people. I truly do love my job.

Another funny thing is that my clients keep thanking me. One of them even sent me a Starbucks gift card. I don't feel deserving of thanks. I'm just the coach, pointing them in the right direction and teaching them the guidelines. They're on the field, playing the game, living the lifestyle. They are my purpose. I can't wait until the day when I can start up my own gig and do this all day, every day, with motivated people who really want to be better, healthier, happier people. I love my life.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

~* Just A Vent *~

I've avoided this vent for a while now, maybe out of denial, maybe out of a desire to avoid confrontation. I'm at the point now where I just want to get it out.

My family drives me effing crazy. I know everybody says that about their family, but that doesn't make it less true. I feel so terribly disconnected from them. My entire life, I've wanted to be a closer-knit family, but it just isn't going to happen, and it's tough to accept. I understand that maybe a lot of that is because I live 7 hours away from them, but I've made that trip to visit 4 times over the last year, and I'm getting ready to do it again next week. They've each made the trip down here once in the 2 years that I've been here. And yes, my dad gets a pass on that. I get it, he's old.

It's not just the lack of visits. It's the lack of communication altogether. Granted, it's gotten a smidge better since the situation with my dad, but not really much. Nobody calls me or texts me- I always make the first move. I think since I got separated 4 freaking months ago, the only person to ask how I'm handling it all has been my dad. Once. That's it. Nobody seems to even care, and it's depressing. I haven't bothered to tell any of them about the amazingness that is in my life now because, let's face it, they won't care. J asked me the other day- hypothetically, if we were to get married on a tropical beach somewhere, how many people would be coming for me? I'm not sure any would. Sad truth.

Now, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. This is not a "poor me" kind of thing. I'm actually kind of pissed about it all, really. I swear to effing Christ that if I ever get to have kids, they will always feel loved and wanted and included. I just needed to get all of that off my chest. I'm done now.

I'm actually having a pretty decent day, which is maybe why I felt safe enough to vent. I woke up 35minutes before my damned alarm this morning and I felt like shit, but I got some meds (thanks mom for teaching me how to whip up cheap Mucinex) and I got in a decent quick CrossFit workout (WAAAAY scaled). Already had lunch, and about to get my learn on. So, mind is clear...let the rest of the day be awesome!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

~* There's a New Judge In Town *~

That's right, folks. I am now an officially certified Crossfit Judge!

I took the online course last night, after I saw the Facebook ad that volunteers were needed for the regional competitions. The Mid-Atlantic regional is in Landover, MD, and I never pass up an opportunity to head back toward home. Now, I absolutely do NOT feel qualified to judge anyone really, even thought I somehow passed that course. But, as a CrossFit newbie, it was really beneficial to see and learn all of the moves done both correctly and incorrectly. And who knows, maybe I'll get to judge somebody famous!! At the very least, I paid $10 to pass the test and get into regionals, with a cool tee shirt. I'll mark that one down as a win.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

~* One More Great Weekend *~

I did have a pretty fantastic weekend. Let's break it down, shall we?

Friday- I was done work at 9:30am. Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous. I'm actually just taking Fridays off for the foreseeable future to avoid going in for just a few hours. Anyway, after work, I headed out to J's place, let out the wrinkle-faced monster, and gorged myself on spaghetti squash alfredo. OMG Paleo amazingness!! He really is an amazing cook. After the energy tank was full, I went to SoPi Crossfit for my first one-on-one session. I LOVED IT!! My sessions are with a chick named Mila, and she's awesome. She's friendly, but she's tough, which I need. I've been too easy on myself lately, and I need that extra push. I learned a few basics, and how to fix my deadlifts. Then, I did my first Fran. I don't think it was timed, and it wasn't Rx- I only used the 45lb bar, and I used bands for my pullups- but I'd guess it came in somewhere around 7 or 8 minutes. It felt like an hour and a half. All in all, it was a great workout, and she kicked my butt!

Saturday, we headed back to SoPi so J and A could do 13.3. I love watching the whole group get together and just suffer to be better. Then, we all went for ice cream. Ugh, my body hates dairy these days. It's funny how quickly I've adjusted to eating super-clean. But, it was delicious. Later in the afternoon, J and I went to the range and shot a zombie. That was a blast. I don't think he expected me to be very good, but I'm a decent shot. I may not have a lot of gun knowledge, but I have pretty spot-on aim. Then we went to Smokey Bones for dinner with a couple who we will be dogsitting for next weekend. They were an interesting pair, but it was a nice dinner.

This morning, I made French Toast with the Paleo coconut bread we scored out in SoPi, and then whipped up the rest of the egg-batter-mix-stuff into scrambled eggs. It was a little weird- eggs with cinnamon and vanilla?? But not bad. It was a nice change up since he's always doing the amazing work in the kitchen, but he's still a WAY better cook.

Right now, I'm sitting back in my own kitchen, waiting on my pork in the crockpot. This week's food adventure is going to be shredded pork with plantains. The recipe actually calls for mashed plantains, but I think I'm just going to slice and fry them up in some coconut oil. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

~* Family Matters *~

Really, the title says all I want to say right now. But since the entire point of blogging is to let you into my life a little, I guess I'm forced to go a bit more into detail.

My dad is 79. He lived with my sister, her husband, and their 3 kids for years. Before that, they lived with him. But they've never really gotten along, and my sister has a tendency to siphon money from him. So, after years of bickering, my dad decided he wanted to go stay with my older half-brother in Florida. He got there a few weeks ago, and the first week was pretty awesome, according to everyone involved. Then, he started coming off his pain meds thanks to the docs at the VA down there (something that needed to happen, by the way). Suddenly, my half-brother and his wife were in WAY over their heads, and apparently (from what I understand) everyone was bickering and my dad doesn't want to be there anymore. My youngest brother is going to get him tomorrow and take him back home.

I don't care who takes my dad or where. I don't have much time left with him, and I just want him to enjoy the time he has left. I want to know that he is happy, comfortable, and cared for. That's it. I don't pray very often, but this is an exception. My dad may be a bitter, depressed old man, but he's my dad and I love him more than I can ever express.

Monday, March 18, 2013

~* Throw Your Fucking Scale Away *~

Yes, that's how I really feel, and sometimes I want to scream it at my clients.

The scale will never tell the whole story. Ever.

The client I'm speaking of in particular has lost over 20lbs since we began working together. She has started to "tone" up, and her strength is going through the roof. So, the scale is slowly climbing. It makes sense, but that little 3 digit number in front of her is getting into her head, and I pray it doesn't cause any setbacks. A lot of people know in their head that muscle is denser than fat, muscle doesn't float, and you will be heavier if you have more muscle. But that doesn't make people feel better. So, I'm gonna put this into perspective right quick.

I am 29 years old. I'm  5'5" and about 128lbs, with 20.4% body fat. When I started working at the gym a year and a half ago, I was 136lbs, and 28.8% body fat. So, over 18 months, I have only lost 8lbs, according to the scale. Considering the fact that I work out 5-6days a week and I eat super-clean, this could be a little discouraging if I were less educated on the workings of my body. When I was 136lbs, I had 39lbs of fat. Pure, disgusting, body fat. Currently, I have 25lbs of fat. So, when you really dive into it, I've lost 14 entire pounds of just fat. I started at a size 9 jeans. I'm in a size 4 now. I was a smoker back then. Now, I'm prepping for my first 5K. The scale is a LIAR!! Seriously folks, ditch it like it cheated on you with your best friend and just move on.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

~* Partners In Paleo *~

People tend to think Paleo is either really complicated or really boring. It can be either, sure, but it doesn't have to be. Especially with a partner.

During the week, I do tend to keep things boringly simple. It just makes my life easier. I'm up at 4am Monday thru Friday. No, I don't want to waste time thinking about what to have for breakfast. I have lunch right after my workouts, when I'm starving and in no mood to decide what to have for lunch. And, if I can pop dinner right in the microwave so I can sit down and study at the end of my day, well, the easier the better.

Breakfast is usually 2 hardboiled eggs, 2 strips of bacon, and whatever fruit I decided on that week (this week it will be strawberries and blueberries). Lunch is a tuna-stuffed avocado. Dinner is some kind of meat (currently, grilled pork chops), a green veggie (Brussels sprouts), and sometimes a sweet potato. Bam, easy.

But, on the weekends, J. and I usually make one meal together. Well, he makes the meal, I make dessert. And I say usually, but really, it's only been the last 2 weekends. I'd like to keep it up though. ANYWAY- this weekend, he made burgers from ground sirloin and ground bacon. We had planned to use Portobello's as the "bun", but we couldn't find any regular sized ones. So, we prepped sweet potatoes to use instead, but these are definitely knife-and-fork burgers. SOOOOO GOOD!!! And for dessert, I made dark chocolate cherry brownies, which are simply delicious.

I love doing this because it forces me to get creative. He'll text me early in the week saying "We're having .... for dinner on Saturday. Dessert's on you.", and it forces me to get creative and put a little effort into it. I appreciate him so much for that. Sometimes, we need a little push to prevent us from getting lazy or trapped in the meat-and-veggies mindset. So, grab your partner, and get busy in the kitchen!! (Perv.)

Monday, March 11, 2013

~* Mission, Accomplished *~

I did it. I finally did it!! I took my very first CrossFit class today!!

I had an 8hour break in my schedule today. Yeah, my schedule blows sometimes. But- I used that free time to make the 2hour round-trip drive out to Southern Pines and do a WOD as a beginner. And I loved it!!!!

I've been doing the same things over and over for a while now. Never the exact same workout, but all the same movements, with the same equipment, in the same gym. Since I ran the other day, I've been craving a change, and I feel like this was exactly what I needed. I lucked out for sure, it was a pretty easy WOD, but it was still nice to be doing something different. And there was a couple who was telling me how to do everything, but nobody was hovering like "let's all stand and stare at the new chick". It was more like "this is how you do this, it".

I did sign up for 3 one-on-one sessions with a trainer to get the movements down pat. I loved what I did today, but I don't wanna jump into a bigger, badder WOD without knowing what I'm doing.

So- moral of today's story- whatever it is you've been wanting to try, just try it. You might just love it.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

~* 13.1 *~

Fuck no, I didn't do it! I've never done Crossfit, and I damn sure am not gonna start with 13.1!!

BUT- I did go watch it at Southern Pines CrossFit, and I have decided to take an intro class for sure. It was a blast to watch these people kill themselves for 17minutes just to try to be better than they were when they walked in the door. I watched a chick PR on her snatch. You could see it, she had never done it before...then she did it again, and again, and again. It was awesome. The vibe was so chill but encouraging all at the same time. I'm super-excited! The only downside is that Southern Pines is sooooooooo far away. No joke, like an hour from me. I have to try to squeeze it in between my morning and afternoon sessions, on a day when I'm not taking my poor car through inspection....Or....Fridays are always early days for me.....but I don't wanna wait....sigh. We'll see what happens. It will be this week, for sure.

On a semi-related note, I am LOVING this Paleo thing. I've been doing it for about 2 months now, and most of the time, I take the easy way out. Breakfast- eggs, bacon, fruit. Lunch- tuna-stuffed avocado. Dinner- grilled meat of some kind and whatever random green veggie I have laying around. I've been studying too much to put a whole lot of work into it. But today, I decided to try one new real recipe each week, even if it is a simple one. Today was banana donuts with chocolate coffee frosting. I don't own a donut pan, so I made mini-muffins instead, and they are AMAZING. I got the recipe here...  Delicious. Warning: It has been incredibly hard to stay away from the fridge, where 21 more of these mini muffins are waiting to be eaten.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

~* And I Was Running *~

Thinking of Forrest Gump.

I did it!! I freakin' ran today!!! It was only for 60 seconds at a time, thanks to my C25K app on my nifty iPhone, but it was definitely a run. And it felt amazing. I feel like for the first time in my life, I have a pretty solid grip on my breathing control and belief in my no-longer-smokers-lungs' capacity, so that takes a lot of the scariness out of it. I actually felt like I could have run a little longer than a minute at a time, but I figure these people designed this app with some kind of insider info, and I should probably just trust their judgement.

I couldn't have done it without some incredible inspiration from one of my clients and the genius who helped me pick out my running shoes. I think he was spot-on with the barefoot style- I love them! And he suggested we run this weekend- just a short run- but his support means the world to me. I am such an incredibly lucky person, to be blessed with so many amazing people in my life.

I can't wait for the Run for the Ribbons 5K in 4 weeks, and then the Color Run in Baltimore!! I'm so excited to be going "home", even if just for a weekend!!!!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

~* Blessed and Grateful *~

I am not a religious person. At all. Even a little bit. 6 years of Catholic school cured me of that. However, last night as I was laying in bed, I was actually moved to tears by the overwhelming love I feel coming in my direction. Ok, part of it may have been PMS, but mostly because I am just so incredibly grateful to feel so much love from and for so many aspects of my life.

I got random Tuesday flowers yesterday. I think that may be the first time I've ever gotten random flowers at all. Just completely out of the blue, to say "Hey, love you (most)". Amazing. See??

After that, I got a text message from a client that reads " I wouldn't be where I am now without you!!! So thanks for all of your hard work and motivation!!". I also got a Facebook message from another client that reads "You are so good and tell the world you deserve more. Gold's Gym would be so much better with more trainers like you. I am so lucky to have gotten you as my trainer."

What these guys don't realize is that I am the lucky one. To have a job that I love- I don't feel like I ever actually work. I absolutely love what I do, and I LOVE seeing the changes and helping people reach their goals. Hell, if I could afford it, I'd do what I do for free!

I truly am a blessed person, and I am so grateful for everything emanating love in my life.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

~* Blog-Blocked *~

I wanted to post yesterday, I really did. But every time I opened the computer, I got blog-blocked by my guilt. I always have Facebook and Pandora open in the background, but I have been really cracking down on my studying. Every time I use the computer, I guilt-trip myself if I'm not studying. And yes, I'm experiencing a little bit of that guilt at this very moment.

I'm working my behind off to get this course finished. It's my Fitness Nutrion Specialist certification through NASM. It's a continuing ed credit, but it also happens to be a whole extra certification. I am so passionate about the nutritional aspect of fitness, and I've discovered that most people really don't understand what their nutritional needs are. However, I am incredibly frustrated with this particular course. It's not broken down to relate to fitness. It's just plain, simple facts about food- macros, micros, and everything in between. Well, not simple, but it doesn't relate to people trying to improve their fitness levels. It basically takes the MyPyramid, breaks it down into pieces, and says "Yep, that's how everyone everywhere should be doing it". Ugh.

So, I'm trying to get it finished ASAP. Then, I can get started on my next course- Senior Exercise Specialist. That should be interesting. I'd like to have a little niche like that. Not what I want to focus on long-term, but it will be nice to have both of these to set me apart at work. And then, I can focus on other things- like my own workouts and blogging- without the guilt.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

~* Changes *~

Change is not always a bad thing.

I just revamped this page some because I needed to change it up. Seeing as how I no longer live in a house with a pair of parade boots (rare in this town, I know), I decided to change the title. It's time to put a little more focus on the positivity in my life, and I think I can do that now.

I had noticed I was starting to post more about my clients, the gym, and my healthy lifestyle in general. So, it just made sense to make the leap and change the format. Hope that's ok with y'all.

Monday, February 25, 2013

~* Case Of The Mondays *~

Yep, I've got it. Definite case of the Mondays, and I'm ready for it to be gone. I have a wicked sinus infection. So rough that I cancelled all of my clients today. I hate that shit. I hate not working. Plus, it's only 10am. What the hell am I gonna do with the rest of the day???  I damn sure better feel better tomorrow. I'm going to work anyway.

But I can't complain about being miserable too much today. I had such a great weekend that today never stood a chance. Friday, I went to see J. We went in search of running shoes for me, with no luck. Then we had a quiet night with some James Bond. Saturday, we spent the day in Raleigh. We checked out the Museum of Natural Science and the Museum of History, then went to Brasa, a Brazilian steakhouse, for lunch. Ohmyholyfood! It was amazing.

From lunch, we ventured over to the mall, where I had booked him a massage. Well, I had booked both of us a massage, but 2 of their massage therapists were sick, so I let him have it. He treated me to some hand-made bath bombs from Lush, which smell amazing, and I got my iPhone fixed. We had dinner at a snooty little joint called BuKu, which was not what I expected, but the sushi was delicious. Then we waited for an hour for dessert at the Melting Pot- worth every minute, by the way.

Sunday, I was supposed to take my first Crossfit class, but I woke up with my throat on fire. I'm still disappointed. I really really want to take this damn class. I guess there's always next Sunday. So, instead of getting ready for the class, J made breakfast and we fell asleep on the couch watching some comedy. Pretty perfect Sunday morning, actually.

And now that I've rambled on and documented my amazing weekend for posterity, it's time to get my study on.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

~* Still Not A Runner...Yet *~

BUT- I'm getting running shoes tomorrow. I can't believe how excited I am about that. It's so go from the unathletic, asthmatic, clumsy kid to now. Well, I'm still the clumsy kid, but ya can't win 'em all.

I still need to register for the 5k in April, but I'll do it soon. I'm a little nervous, because I found out it's not a road run, it's like over-the-river-and-through-the-woods...but if I can make it without breaking an ankle, I think it will be fun. And I just found out today that registration for the Color Run in Charlotte opens next week, and the run is in October. I'm super-excited about that one because it's a LOT closer and I might be able to persuade a few people that I know to do it with me. And, there's this guy I know (wink, wink) who said he will run with me on the weekends to help me prep for all of this.

I know I'm rambling. I'm tired, and I'm waiting for the laundry to stop. And because I'm tired, I'm even worse than usual with words. I wish I could adequately convey my level of excitement and anticipation and accomplishment. I don't know how many people have been reading this, but a WHIIIIIILE back, I put up a picture of a slightly-pudgy looking me. I was at about 29% body fat when I took that picture. Way less healthy than I thought I was. The changes I've made in my life have affected my body (down to 20% body fat) and my outlook on so many things. I'm looking forward to trying all kinds of new things this year. I'll be running, and I'm trying my very first Crossfit class this weekend. I'm terrified of that, so wish me luck!!

Dryer finally stopped. Rambling complete.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

~* Crushing Goals *~

I went shopping for new jeans today. Not because I really HAD to...I have probably a dozen-ish pairs of jeans. But I had noticed that lately, they weren't fitting quite right. They were too...loose. Wait, that doesn't sound right...the scale isn't moving. My legs and my rear end seem bigger, although I haven't measured in a while...But yep, sure enough, my jeans are too big. So, today, I got my first 2 pairs of SIZE 4 jeans since high school!!! Size freakin' 4!!!

Also, I did my second full 5k on the treadmill today in preparation for the mess I've signed myself up for in the upcoming months. I cut 3 minutes off my time!! Granted, I've just been walking. I don't wanna run until I get running shoes, but still...I feel like it's progress.

Oh yeah, I don't think I mentioned it- after I do this first 5k in April, I signed up for the Baltimore Color Run on May 11. I'm super-excited about this one. I'll be running on a team with some people I haven't seen in a few years, and it's supposed to be just a really fun time. Check it out- .

Anyway, the moral of the story- hard work pays off.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

~* Running Down A Dream *~

Or a nightmare, possibly.

I have promised one of my clients that, because of her commitment to me and her training program, I will run a 5k with her at the beginning of April. WTF was I thinking?? I'm not a runner. Well, not yet anyway.

I have until April 6 to change that. I'm simultaneously excited and terrified. I'm looking forward to pushing my body outside of its comfort zone, trying something new, and proving my dedication to my clients. But, I am scared to death. I had asthma really bad as a child, and every time I start to lose my breath, I flash back to what that was like and I panic. Then, of course, breathing is even harder, so I panic more, and it's a vicious cycle.

I downloaded an app onto my phone that a few people recommended to me, called C25K (couch to 5k), which will take me step by step from a "couch potato" to running a 5K in 8 weeks. Hopefully, it's a good app. I also have enlisted the help of my "male friend" to find a good pair of running shoes. He's good with that kind of thing. He just ran the Krispy Kreme challenge yesterday, and he runs for PT all the time, so I trust his opinion.

I'll keep this updated with my progress. Cross your fingers that I don't break an ankle or something stupid like that.

Monday, February 4, 2013

~* Proud Mama *~

Ok, Ok, so I'm not a mama. But today, I am a damn proud trainer. I think everyone deserves a day like today to be reminded that they are good at what they do (if, of course, they are good at what they do).

Every 4 weeks, I force my clients to go through Measurements. Weight, body fat percentage, and taping. Every 4 weeks they hate my guts. And every 4 weeks, I force them to set a new goal, and evaluate why they did or did not accomplish the previous goal. Well, this week is Measurement Week.

It's only Monday, and so far I've had clients who:

- lost 2 inches on the waist
- lost an inch on the arm
- cut their blood pressure medication in half
- dropped 5 lbs. (15 total in two months)
- ran a 5k on the treadmill, and has been so motivated that her goal for the next 4 weeks is to actually run a 5k.

I am so damn proud of my clients!!! And I'm freakin' proud of myself too. I am good at something that I am so passionate about. It's the most incredible feeling!! My goal for the next 4 weeks is to do everything I can to continue to help my clients reach their goals.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

~* Want A Friend? Be A Friend *~

I'm going to vent a little bit...

I'm fucking tired of people who complain that this person or that person is a terrible friend, yet they refuse to see that very same truth about themselves.

I am well aware that in my past, I have been an awful "friend". I've been terrible at keeping in touch with people, and I've bailed on important events simply because I didn't feel like going. But, I have made a conscious effort to change that, and I can honestly say that now I am 100% dedicated to the people I consider friends. I'd like to be able to expect the same in return. That is what friends do, right?

I'm tired of being bailed on. Maybe it's just Karma kicking my ass, but it could possibly be that some people just suck. If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you have a problem with something I've done or said, a friend shouldn't be afraid of insulting me by just telling me. And if you have a problem with my morals, beliefs, or principles...well, we probably weren't gonna be "friends" for very long.

I'm the kind of person who will take a whole day off from work to drive a friend to and from an elective surgery two hours away. I will come watch your dog because you are on lockdown at work, and may not make it home for 3 days, even if it means I have to wake up 20 minutes earlier for work.  I will check your mail and get your packages while you're away. I'll send you a text just to see if you're ok, even though I know you're not. And if I say I'm going to do something for you, I will move heaven and fucking earth to make sure it gets done. So, again, the heart of my vent for the evening- IF YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING, DO IT. If you want me to be a friend, grow up and be one in return. And if that's too much for you to handle, grow a pair and just say so.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

~* Get In Or GTFO *~

That's my mindset, today and going forward. I am loving my life. The people in it have the opportunity to step up and enjoy it with me, or pack up their negativity and GET THE FUCK OUT. 'Scuse the language.

This weekend has been a good one. I spent yesterday afternoon with a guy who fits my lifestyle so incredibly it's a little creepy. He took me on a date in reverse- we went to a hole in the wall coffee shop, a cupcake shop for dessert, and he made Paleo chili for dinner (amazing, by the way). This morning, I got in a full hour of cardio and felt like I could have kept going. I got new boots on clearance. I chopped off all of my hair and donated 2 ponytails to Locks of Love (yeah, I cut that much off). I'm getting ready to head out to dinner with one of my best friends, and then out for a girls' night. My life is spectacular, and I have no room for negative people or negative thoughts. Get in or GTFO- the decision is yours.

Friday, January 11, 2013

~* Relocated and Re-adjusting *~

So, I'm all moved in and settled. Huge thanks to the people who stepped up to help- y'all know who you are. I am truly blessed to have so many people that wouldn't mind helping me haul all of my stuff up a flight of stairs on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

I love my new space. I have it set up so that it pretty much fits me perfectly. I don't look around and go "ugh, where did that come from" or "I wish I could just throw that away". It's a lot of mismatched pieces, but it's cozy and homey and me. I love it. I stayed up til midnight Saturday night getting everything in place and unpacked so that I could make the space mine, and I'm happy that I did.

It's not a huge adjustment, really. It's pretty solitary, which is nice, but strange considering I have a roommate and 4 dogs. She's been working from 4pm-midnight, so we haven't seen much of each other this week, and the dogs stay to themselves unless I'm making food. And it's so nice to be so close to work. I haven't been sleeping in later, but I damn sure have been taking my sweet time actually getting up and out of bed.

AND- this blog post comes to you directly from my brand-spankin'-new laptop, courtesy of the coolest baby brother on the planet! Thanks to eternity, kid.

Friday, January 4, 2013

~* Hiatus *~

This might be my last post for a little while. I'm moving tomorrow, and I don't have my own computer yet. Hopefully, mine will get here quickly, but who knows?

Tomorrow is the big day. Moving day. Moving out, moving on. I'm going to be sharing a place with a pretty cool chick and her 4 dogs. I won't be lonely, that's for sure. It's a nice place, with plenty of space, and it's 2 miles away from work, which is freakin' amazing. I'll be able to sleep til 4:30am, instead of getting up at 4am! Seriously, the money I'll save on gas should be pretty awesome.

I know somebody out there is probably thinking "Wow, isn't that really quick? Aren't you sad at all?". Well, sure I'm sad. But, I can't keep living like this separation and impending divorce isn't going to happen. It's unhealthy for both of us for me to stay in the house, and we both deserve a better quality of life. As for the quickness...well, I don't think it's quick. I've ended relationships and moved out in the same day before.

I'm hoping 2013 brings better times, more smiles, and peace for the both of us. I'm ready to move beyond the misery. So, til next time...

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

~* New Year, New Everything *~

That's how it feels, like everything will be new this year. I know that's an exaggeration, but it's how I feel. But I'm looking forward to it. This is the year I turn 30, and it WILL be a great year.

This year, I will focus on myself a little more. My well-being, my state of mind, my happiness, and my goals. I want to turn 30 looking the best I ever have. I want to visit family. I want to paint. I want to compete. This is my year.

I also want to be able to put the negativity behind me. I want to hold on to the good memories from my marriage and let go of the bitterness and resentment. I want to be able to walk away with lessons learned and best wishes for him in the future. I want to be able to feel hopeful about my future relationships. I want to stay open-minded, and not let the fear of failure or being hurt prevent me from enjoying life and the people in it.

I want to gain financial stability on my own, and I want to end 2013 with a long-term plan. Or at least an outline of a plan. Right now, I'm perfectly content to take things day-by-day. At this point in my life, that's how I need to be. But I'd like to have an idea of where I'm going, when I'm going, why I'm going, and how I'm going to get there.

But, I have 364 more days before I really need to worry about that.

Happy 2013, y'all!!
" Don't place your better days in the future."