Thursday, March 8, 2012

~* I Have To Do WHAT Alone?!?! *~

Move. I have to move. Alone.

Ok, ok, I'm exaggerating. I will have a little help (if all goes according to plan, which it never does). But it's an intimidating thought. I am not only moving my stuff, his stuff, and a dog without the hubs, but I am buying a house. Well, technically, I'm signing for him to buy a house, but let's not get caught up in the details.

I just got the news today that our loan for the house got approved, which is a huge relief. At least now I know where I'll be going at the end of my lease. But now I have to pack everything, move everything, clean the entire apartment, learn to spacal (sp?), and try to set up a whole house to make it comfortable and welcoming for when the hubs gets home. I think that's really the scary part. Obviously, we picked out the house together. But it's empty, and it's up to me to make it "home". The artist in me finds that incredibly exciting. The realist in me is worried that I might not get it right. Cross your fingers for me!

Monday, March 5, 2012

~* Moments *~

We have a picture hanging in our living room that was given to us as a wedding gift by some good friends. It's a framed phrase really, rather than a picture. It says "Life is not about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away". I also saw 'The Vow' yesterday with my new friend C, and throughout the narration, the stress is on the importance of moments.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the important moments of my life. It's probably because I've had too much time to think, and I'm trying not to dwell on the possibilities behind the lack of communication between myself and the hubs. I've been pin-pointing some of the bigger moments of my life, and I'm kind of amazed at how significant they really were.

The moment I decided not to go to college changed the course of my entire adult life. I had been offered nearly a full scholarship, but I didn't have the money to cover the balance of the tuition and my mom told me I hadn't tried hard enough. I was so angry and bitter that I decided right then and there not to go. If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have ended up living in Baltimore, working in bars for years. I wouldn't have come out of my shell. I had been a painfully shy, awkward child, and I think that wouldn't have ever changed if I had gone to college. I wouldn't have met the majority of people in my life today.

The moment I decided to marry my first husband set my life on the course it is on now. If I hadn't made that mistake, I wouldn't have met Mr. M, and I can't really imagine what my life would be like right now. Before I moved to NC to be with Mr. M, I was living alone back in Baltimore, working a decent job, but I didn't have my license back yet and I had no transportation, and my friends had all fallen off the map. I loved my job, but there was only so much time I could mooch a ride to work. And having no social life gets depressing very quickly.

These are just two examples, but if any of the moments had been just the tiniest bit different, my entire life would be different. And I love my life right now, even with all of the tears and heartache.
" Don't place your better days in the future."