That's the only solution I have.
The hubs and I have been arguing nonstop for about 2 months now. Longer really, if you don't count the months he was away. Those were really our happiest months, the only time we've REALLY gotten along. It's been bad. Ugly. Vicious. We have both been mean and hurtful and spiteful. We've both been hurt and angry and sad. We've both been inches away from leaving.
I've told myself from the beginning that if this marriage doesn't work, it won't be because I haven't done everything I can, given it my all. Every time I think I'm fed up, that I can't handle anymore, that I don't WANT to handle any more...I have to be honest and ask myself "Have you done absolutely everything you can?". To date, the answer is always no. There is always a little more I can give, a little more I can handle. And so, I jump back into the fight.
This time, the ONLY solution I can come up with is to wipe the slates clean and start over. The hubs and I both realize that we don't really know each other. To be fair, we never really got to know each other in the beginning. We didn't give ourselves time to date, and now we are each different people, so figuring each other out has been even tougher. So, I think it's time we dated. We need that "getting to know you" period. I don't know if it's realistic, and I don't know if it's going to work...but it's the last idea I have.
So, today, we went on a date. We went out and shared pizza for lunch. We had ice cream for dessert. We went and did a little shopping together, and sat down and ate dinner together. And we talked. We talked without yelling or blaming or insulting or getting angry. It hasn't been an easy day, and the conversation is harder than I would have expected....but we are both trying.