Friday, April 5, 2013

~* I Kill Fat For A Living *~

Apparently, I really do. Over the last 4 weeks, my clients have collectively lost over 50lbs and 46 inches!!! I am so proud of all of them!!

It's funny- there are days when I wonder if I really have any clue about what I'm doing. Am I just taking stuff out of a book and hoping it works? Am I just winging it and praying for the best? But then I see results like that and I know without a doubt that this is what I was born to do. To help people. To educate people. To coach and motivate and reassure people. I truly do love my job.

Another funny thing is that my clients keep thanking me. One of them even sent me a Starbucks gift card. I don't feel deserving of thanks. I'm just the coach, pointing them in the right direction and teaching them the guidelines. They're on the field, playing the game, living the lifestyle. They are my purpose. I can't wait until the day when I can start up my own gig and do this all day, every day, with motivated people who really want to be better, healthier, happier people. I love my life.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

~* Just A Vent *~

I've avoided this vent for a while now, maybe out of denial, maybe out of a desire to avoid confrontation. I'm at the point now where I just want to get it out.

My family drives me effing crazy. I know everybody says that about their family, but that doesn't make it less true. I feel so terribly disconnected from them. My entire life, I've wanted to be a closer-knit family, but it just isn't going to happen, and it's tough to accept. I understand that maybe a lot of that is because I live 7 hours away from them, but I've made that trip to visit 4 times over the last year, and I'm getting ready to do it again next week. They've each made the trip down here once in the 2 years that I've been here. And yes, my dad gets a pass on that. I get it, he's old.

It's not just the lack of visits. It's the lack of communication altogether. Granted, it's gotten a smidge better since the situation with my dad, but not really much. Nobody calls me or texts me- I always make the first move. I think since I got separated 4 freaking months ago, the only person to ask how I'm handling it all has been my dad. Once. That's it. Nobody seems to even care, and it's depressing. I haven't bothered to tell any of them about the amazingness that is in my life now because, let's face it, they won't care. J asked me the other day- hypothetically, if we were to get married on a tropical beach somewhere, how many people would be coming for me? I'm not sure any would. Sad truth.

Now, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. This is not a "poor me" kind of thing. I'm actually kind of pissed about it all, really. I swear to effing Christ that if I ever get to have kids, they will always feel loved and wanted and included. I just needed to get all of that off my chest. I'm done now.

I'm actually having a pretty decent day, which is maybe why I felt safe enough to vent. I woke up 35minutes before my damned alarm this morning and I felt like shit, but I got some meds (thanks mom for teaching me how to whip up cheap Mucinex) and I got in a decent quick CrossFit workout (WAAAAY scaled). Already had lunch, and about to get my learn on. So, mind is clear...let the rest of the day be awesome!
" Don't place your better days in the future."