I feel like I'm boring myself with all these posts about re-adjusting. But it's only been 3 weeks, and the re-adjusting is still happening.
I feel so alone. The only place I don't feel alone is the gym. That's become my sanctuary. The hubs doesn't push me to work out anymore, I do it on my own. He doesn't even come with me anymore. He's got another guy around to keep him company.
It's crazy, but I'm a little jealous of the roommate. They spend all day at work together, then go to the gym together, then sit at home and drink beer and eat the dinner I cooked. Together. And I'm just on the outside, watching it all and screaming on the inside "WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! DOESN'T ANYONE WANNA PLAY WITH ME???" like the kid left out of the sandbox.
I'm not sure if it's the jealousy or the bitterness at the complete upheaval of my life, but something has sparked a LOT of anger inside of me lately. It's a very uncomfortable feeling for me. I'm a pretty positive, upbeat, chill kinda person, and to feel so much rage makes me a little nauseous. And frankly, I don't handle it well. I've gotten good at walking away from the hubs and the situations at home that make me angry, but I worry that walking away will make me resentful, and ultimately more angry. I usually feel better after a little time away, and sometimes I forget what I was upset about in the first place, but is it really a healthy thing to do? I don't know. I've thought about going to talk to someone about it, but I'm not sure anyone can help me. I think the only advice I would get would be to communicate with the hubs (tried it, doesn't always work, often the very source of my frustration) or to do exactly what I'm doing, and walk away before saying things I'd regret. I guess only time will tell.
On the upside, my mom and brother are coming to visit this weekend, and I'm looking forward to some quality family time.