Friday, February 24, 2012

~* One Foot In Front Of The Other *~

Suck it up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I have to remind myself to do this multiple times every single day.

Adjusting to life by myself, but not really by myself, but really- by myself again is TOUGH! It's a lot tougher than I thought it would be. It's been nice to wake up in the morning to a phone call from 7300 miles away, but it's hard to know that that's all I get for the next 24 hours or so. It's hard to hang up, but sometimes it's hard to keep talking. It's hard to make normal conversation when all I want to do is break into tears and tell him how much I want him to come home. It's hard to remember that if he comes home early, it's not going to be for a happy reason, so it's hard to just pray for the days to fly by.

It's hard to remember that there's no way that truck I just saw drive by could be him. It's hard to revert to cooking for one. It's hard to watch Jeopardy alone- I feel like half of my intelligence must be halfway around the world. It's hard to go to sleep alone, and it's hard to wake up alone. It's hard to remember to only make a half of a pot of coffee. It's hard to pull into the parking lot in front of our building, to see his truck, and remember that he won't be inside. It's hard to try to make plans for the future knowing that I have to make decisions and hope he likes them when he comes home. It's hard to answer the ever-present questions "How's he doing?" and "How are you holding up?". It's hard.

So, I need to tell myself constantly- suck it up, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. The next 6-9months will be over before I know it, and I want to make him proud. I want him to want to come home and not leave again (even though we both know he will most likely have to). No matter how hard it is, I know that in the end, it will be worth it. But to get to the end, I have to put one foot in front of the other, and just keep going.

No comments:

Post a Comment

" Don't place your better days in the future."