No, I don't really think I am. I haven't lied or cheated or any of that terrible stuff. But I'm not sure I'm a good wife, either. Why? Because, honestly, there is a tiny little itty bitty (well, maybe not that tiny) part of me that is looking forward to D-Day.
Yeah, I said it. No, I'm not looking forward to the 6-9 months of constant worry, the crappy internet connections, the sloooooow mail system, the lonely mornings and lonelier nights, spending our anniversary and my birthday alone, taking the dog out by myself at 4am, lugging the trash out, cleaning the drains, and all the other "man-chores". But I am looking forward to a few things.
I'm looking forward to being able to have more than 3 square feet of the bed at night. I'm looking forward to being able to take up the whole sofa if I want to sprawl out and watch a girly movie. I'm looking forward to not having someone to clean up after. I'm looking forward to my home staying clean for more than a few hours at a time. I'm looking forward to the hugely decreased grocery bill! I'm looking forward to not tripping over shoes and boots, and I'm looking forward to the lack of gross, disgusting, sweaty, smelly PT clothes going in the laundry. I'm looking forward to a little bit of peace and quiet.
Now, I know better than to voice all of this out loud. I know that the universe may take this to the extreme...anyone who is military-related knows what I'm talking about here. So let me be clear- I'm not wishing all of this to be a permanent condition. AT ALL. I'm just looking forward to a little bit of a break. But I feel so guilty for even thinking this way. I know I should be 100% sad and worried about missing him and his cuddles and whatnot...come on folks, my hubs is 265lbs...he's heavy when he cuddles, and I'm not much of a snuggler. So, again, I ask...am I the worst wife ever?