Watching the news is one of my addictions. I turn it on first thing in the morning (yes, it is on at 4am) and again in the evening, if I'm home. I don't have time to sit through all of it, but I enjoy sitting on the sofa, sipping my coffee, waking up with my newscasters.
Lately, though, the experience has been a little less enjoyable.
A lot of the news lately has been about the homecoming of the last American troops in Iraq. It's been all over the national news, and especially the local news since we are at Fort Bragg. The POTUS is coming to Bragg this week to thank the troops for the last decade of their service in Iraq. And yes, I am thankful for the return of those troops. But at the same time, it's been hard for me to watch. Knowing that here are all of these men and women coming home, but mine is going....
It's hard because I haven't really given myself a chance to get emotional about Mr. M's leaving yet. Mostly because he's still here, so why bother? Partly because I am just really terrible at emotions. But it has definitely affected my ability to enjoy the news, and I'm not thrilled about that.
We went to the FRG Christmas party on Friday night. It was nice to get to meet the people in his new unit, to meet the FRG leader, to meet the people I'm handing my husband's life over to. It was heart-wrenching, too- the majority of them are boys, just babies, not even old enough to drink. Dear God, I hope they all make it home quickly and in one piece (and they haven't even left yet).
I feel guilty for feeling so torn- wanting to be happy for the returning troops, yet selfishly wishing that no more had to leave. And I want to be able to watch the news again without wanting to cry.