Tuesday, November 29, 2011

~* It's All Happening *~

So, I finally have internet back at home. And enough free time to use it!! Woohoo!! Thank God, cuz I'm gonna need it.

We got news. Mr. M is deploying soon. We don't have exact dates (the Army never has exact dates), but we've heard it will be between February and April, most likely closer to February. I'm scared to death, but trying to hold it together. I'll wait til he's gone to fall apart.

We knew he would deploy again. He's got 3+ years left on his contract, so it was bound to happen. But I didn't think it would happen so soon. He just got home in January! He's excited about it tho. He likes actually being able to do his job, and he's excited about the extra money he'll be making (so we can FINALLY save some). I don't care about the money, I just want him to come home to me when it's all done. I'm sure I'm not the first Army Wife to say that.

I feel so lost about the whole thing. We weren't together when he deployed before, so I'm not sure what all I need to do. If I need to do anything. Maybe I just keep going on, day to day. He'll be here one day, gone the next, and then back in a few months. Well, more than a few, but you get the idea. I was originally set on going home while he's gone, back to Baltimore, but I think I'm gonna stick around. I hate FayetteNam, but I'll be driving again by the time he leaves, so I'll be able to visit my family. And we're planning to save money while he's gone, and it's cheaper for me to stay here. Plus, I'll get into less trouble here. I don't want to fall back into my old life, and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to resist that temptation. I have a decent job here, with room to move in different directions, and I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be suffocated by family, and it would probably be helpful to learn more about the town we're probably gonna be stuck in for a good long while. But now, I need to work on a support system.

That's the part that worries me. I'm good by myself, but I know that this next year is gonna be tough. I don't want people around me who will say "oh, I know how you feel. I've done it before". I want people who will be FRIENDS- people I can cry with if I need it, people who will let me scream if I need it, people who will take me shopping or to lunch or a movie if I just need to be distracted. I don't know a whole lot of people in this town, but I guess it's about time to change that. So, if anyone out there is reading this- feel free to say hello =)

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" Don't place your better days in the future."