Tuesday, June 21, 2011

~* Day 11 *~

Today is my 11th day smoke-free =) I've gotten a lot of support, and Mr. M says he is really proud of me. It's funny though, I don't really feel proud of myself. I think I might when the cravings stop. They've been worse this week than they were last week. But I'm not giving in. I'm working out every day, and I feel better already. I have been having some weird dreams tho, and I've heard that's a side effect of quitting smoking. I've dreamed I was screaming at someone twice in the past week, and woken up with a sore throat. Weird.

Anyway. Life is pretty much the same for me. I had to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday while Mr. M had a 3 day weekend. I wish I could find a regular Monday- Friday job so that we could have the weekends to spend together, but that isn't likely to happen any time soon.

I've been wondering lately if I've become too sensitive to him. I've always been a fiercely independent girl, but I know that he needs to feel wanted and needed, and maybe that has had an effect on me. As I said, he had all weekend off. He didn't do a whole lot with it- hung out with some friends, washed the bike, helped someone move a bed. Nothing major. I got up at 4:45am yesterday, like I've been doing every day to spend a little time with him in the morning, and kissed him. He pulled away from me, saying he didn't "have time". Excuse me? How the fuck do you not "have time" to spend 30 seconds making out with your wife? Oh, you had to steam your ACUs at 5am on Monday morning? Did you not "have time" to do it in the 3 entire days you were off??? Hmm.

I feel like I complain about my husband a lot. I really don't mean to. I'm very sensitive when it comes to him, and I'm terribly OCD. I like things, particularly around the house, the way I want them when I want them that way. I've been trying really hard to compromise, but it's easier said than done. Not only do I love Mr. M to death, but I am completely head-over-heels in love with him. I just don't really have any other outlet for my venting. I do think he knows how much he upset me yesterday tho, because this morning he had taken the trash out and apparently looked thru my birthday hints by the time I woke up.

I have hope that today will be a good day =)

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" Don't place your better days in the future."