Wednesday, May 4, 2011

~* Disappointment *~

So, today I've been an Army wife for 9 days. Mr. M proposed to me on Easter Sunday (he put the ring in my Easter basket, aww), and we did the courthouse thing the next day. I wasn't a huge fan of the courthouse thing, since this is my second marriage, and that's how the first one happened. But, I've learned that the courthouse marriage makes things easier for a soldier. He can start getting BAH, which he's really looking forward to (of course).

Let me clarify- this is not a contract marriage. I truly love Mr. M with all of my heart, and I have no doubt that he feels the same way about me. The rush of the marriage is just hurdle #1 that comes with the territory, I suppose. I haven't been able to tell my family or friends that we are married yet. Everyone thinks we are simply engaged, and will be actually getting married next October. We are planning to have a "wedding" next year, but the secret has become a necessity because of his traditional family. I hate secrets.

The first big disappointment of being an Army wife was dumped in my lap at 8am this morning. Mr. M was planning to take leave starting tomorrow, to give us time to get all of our paperwork in order and for a brief visit home (Delaware). His leave got denied. I have to tell my whole family that I won't be able to come see them as planned. It's especially upsetting for me because my Dad is 77 years old, and I want to get in as much time as I can with him while I can. Now, I have no idea when I'll see him again. I feel selfish thinking like that, since Mr. M just got back from a year in Afghanistan in January, but I can't help it.

Part of me has been angry all day (well, for the 2 hours since I got the news). I feel like maybe if he had put in for leave earlier, he wouldn't have gotten denied. I know he does tend to procrastinate. It's one of the weird balancing acts of our relationship. He procrastinates, I get things done immediately. One of many weird balancing acts. Then, I get bitter. One of his soldier buddies lives in the apartment directly above ours, and he will be going on leave starting tomorrow so he can go back to Texas, get married, do paperwork, and have a few days alone with his new wife. I haven't gotten a single day alone with my new husband and now we don't have time to go to the paperwork and it's not fucking fair. Gah, I'm being a selfish, whiny bitch. I should have preempted this post with a PMS warning. Sorry.

OK, I'm done venting for now. Time to go pop a Midol.

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" Don't place your better days in the future."